Range Rover man
Details have been changed to protect anonymity
I was sitting in my office which was situated in the grounds of a large boarding kennel and close to the car park when I first heard the noise. A wailing banshee is the only description that fitted. I glanced out of the window and the noise suddenly stopped. This presumably was because the engine of the car had been turned off. The vehicle was a new white Range Rover and as I was not expecting my next client for at least half an hour this arrival wasn’t mine.
Having alighted from the car the offending canine appeared to be a small crossbreed of extremely dubious lineage with a set of lungs that belied his diminutive stature. As he had come for boarding I returned to my lunch which on this occasion consisted of a Pot Noodle and a large piece of Joys excellent fruit cake. Now before you all start grimacing and get into the wisecracks about “grot in a pot,” yes I actually like the chicken and mushroom pot noodle and it is a hot snack on a cold day, easy to prepare and most important of all no washing up!!
Twenty minutes later there was a knock on my door and the owner of the banshee dog appeared. He was smartly dressed and told me that the owner of the kennels had suggested he see me.
“I suppose you heard the b****y noise,” he said without any preamble. “As soon as I turn the engine on he starts, a hell of a din, can’t shut him up.”
I smiled, offered a few words of sympathy and assured him that this was not an uncommon problem and could be solved. I suggested making an appointment for when he was collecting his dog, however, this idea was not received with any enthusiasm.
“Come on you’ve said it yourself it’s a common problem so you can just tell me how to stop it.”
As the conversation progressed it became obvious that Range Rover Man expected free advice. I explained at length that there were a number of different options we could try but I would need a lot more information, hence the appointment and this was how I earned my living.
A painful silence ensued, I took a swig of tea and just to make the point took a bite of fruit cake. Range Rover Man got the message, glared at me and departed. A quick chat with the kennel owner confirmed that the client lived in a very large house in an upmarket area and changed his Range Rover every two to three years.
Three months later
About three months later I was waiting for a new client. A Mr Rule had made an appointment informing me that he had acquired a dog from a shelter but it was a bad traveller. This was when I heard it again, the wailing banshee!! I peered out of the window and saw an elderly, battered Ford Cortina estate car had just arrived. The noise stopped and the Rule family tumbled out of the car, Mr and Mrs Rule, two small children and if I was not mistaken the wailing banshee dog.
It transpired that the Rule family had discovered Bobby as he was called at the local shelter, had been informed that there was a travel issue and had been recommended to me. It was obvious from the beginning that Bobby was adored by the entire family particularly the children.
The first attempt at a solution was the obvious one. A box covered with a dark cloth shutting out the light resulted in a dramatic change and Bobby was able to travel quietly.
My comment that peace and quiet would be the order of the day was received with a wry smile from Mr Rule and rueful glance in the direction of his offspring, I guess with two small children peace and quiet was never going to happen!!
Cornwall is a place where everybody knows everybody else, there is a saying that goes something along the lines of If someone sneezes in Saltash on Saturday then someone will have a cold in St. Ives on Sunday.
The final part of the story
So several months later I was given the whole story of Range Rover Man.
Having dumped Bobby in a shelter he acquired a German Shepherd Dog that was advertised in the local newspaper as very well behaved and free to a good home. Well, it would have to be free!!
The man collected the shepherd, drove away and stopped off at his local pub for a drink. On returning to his Range Rover he discovered that his newly acquired, very well behaved, free to a good home dog had eaten part of the upholstery in the rear of his vehicle. Opening the door the man decided to violently chastise the shepherd, however, the dog took exception to the punishment and dished out some in return, namely a number of severe bites. The exchange was witnessed and a call was made to the local police station which was very close by.
The end result; the police arrived and Range Rover Man was found to be over the drink-drive limit, subsequently lost his licence and was ordered to pay a substantial fine. His injuries necessitated a visit to the casualty department of the local hospital to have his wounds dressed. His free to a good home German Shepherd was eventually rehomed to a retired security guard who had the expertise to handle such a dog.
I freely admit I couldn’t resist a wry smile when the story was related to me. If only Range Rover Man had booked an appointment with me he would have avoided damage to his car, avoided getting bitten because he would have still been the owner of Bobby, avoided a heavy fine and wouldn’t have lost his licence.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Just in case you are wondering what was the cost of a consultation in those days, it was exactly what the Rule family paid….. £15!!
“A lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me.”
Barack Obama