Crusher and the Moron

Inspector Jenny addressed the team.

“We are going to a property that we believe is being used to manufacture fake medicines. We have Molly, the drugs dog, who will help us identify any narcotics.

As she spoke, Molly was brought in, and Crusher looked at her with love and adoration and lust!

“We don’t expect any trouble.” Continued Inspector Jenny.

“They are not a violent lot, but just in case we have Crusher.” The assembled team exchanged glances and all refrained from smiling as sitting in the corner was the “elephant in the room.”

Chief Constable Tranker rose to his feet and glared at Crusher.

“I want no repeat of the last raid when all of those arrested ended up in hospital, broken bones and bite injuries, it was total chaos. Two of the injured are still recovering 2 weeks later. I don’t want any repeat, is that clearly understood?”

“Maybe I should give them all a big wet, sloppy kiss and lick them into submission for you.” Thought Crusher.

“When I was in charge of this type of operation I never tolerated these types of shenanigans, these individuals are citizens and will be treated accordingly. I expect all those arrested to be in a police cell by the end of the day not to end up in hospital.”

“What a complete numpty, how on earth did you get promoted?” Mused Crusher.

“Quite frankly, Bill and Ben, the flower pot men, both had a higher IQ.”

Inspector Jenny was not impressed by what was a thinly veiled criticism but knew better than to show it. After all, she had dealt with Chief Constable Tranker before at the last major raid, and her handling of the situation had raised her standing with the rank and file. The team prepared to leave, and Inspector Jenny suggested joining PC Sharon in her vehicle.

Crusher jumped into the back of the specially adapted van and settled down for the short trip to the destination. After a few minutes, the call came over the radio.

“Divert, disturbance, town centre.”

They arrived, and two sets of youths stared down at each other. One lot was local, and the other lot was visitors.

“Stop, or I release the dog.” Instructed  PC Sharon

This had no effect.

“The dog’s name is Crusher.”

The result was instantaneous.

The locals instantly dropped their weapons, peace and tranquillity restored. The visitors stood dumbstruck

“What the heck is going on?” Asked PC Sharon.

The locals looked shame faced and all appeared to be instantly subdued.

Inspector Jenny then addressed the visitors.

“Drop your weapons on the ground and leave NOW.”

The leader of the visitors turned out to be a spotty youth with bare arms and bad breath holding a baseball bat who stated what to him was the obvious.

“There’s ten of us and only two of you.”

“Wrong moron there’s three of us and only three or maybe four of you.”

Moron looked incredulous.

“Let me explain, do you read the Reacher books by Lee Child?”

Asked Inspector Jenny

Moron stood in silence.

“Give him a break boss, he probably can’t read.” Interjected PC Sharon.

“It’s like this: Crusher will take you down, and you will be crying, bleeding and begging for him to be stopped, but we won’t have time as we will put two more on the deck and at least half of your little gang will run away as soon as they see what happens.”

“You mess with me, you pretentious piece of puke, and I’m going to get exceedingly annoyed.” Thought Crusher

Moron stared at PC Sharon and then transferred his attention to Crusher.

“I ain’t scared of that miserable mongrel.”

There was a murmuring among the locals.

“You know you should listen, the locals are just hoping that we let Crusher loose, they’d like the sight of blood, your blood.”

“In fact I could sell tickets.” Continued PC Sharon. Crushers reputation is famous. She paused, “Or is that infamous?” She asked herself.

Moron sneered.

“Listen pantie fuzz you annoy me and I will give both you girls  a spanking and I’ll kill your scabby animal.”

PC Sharon and Inspector Jenny both grinned and exchanged glances.

Crusher was apoplectic with rage “SCABBY! SCABBY! If I get hold of you, I’ll cause you so much damage you’ll learn first-hand all about scabs!

“Drop it, lad, and go home.” Suggested Inspector Jenny with her most disarming smile. “If you continue, I have a tazer, and you won’t like it.”

“Make me.” Replied moron

PC Sharon walked slowly towards moron with Crusher.

“We have asked nicely.” Said PC Sharon

As the gap closed it became apparent that moron wasn’t going to back down

“Drop the bat or I release the dog.”

“Can we stop messing around here?” Thought Crusher. This is delaying my time with Molly.

Moron just sneered and raised his bat.

PC Sharon released Crusher.

Before he knew it moron was on his back and his screams could be heard a mile away. In fairness having Crusher attempting to remove his arm from its socket would create a modicum of pain and to make matters worse calling him scabby had not endeared moron to Crusher.

Two more idiots moved forward, one was instantly stopped as he was struck by the tazer, the second by a sharp blow from PC Sharon’s baton which broke his arm. A third idiot thought he would try his luck only to be stopped by a blow from Inspector’s Jenny’s baton causing similar damage. Having dealt with number one moron’s arm Crusher released his hold so he could confront the rest of the group.

He stared them down and with four of their number down, as predicted, the rest ran, with the jeers of the locals ringing in their ears.

Crusher viewed the departing visiting trouble makers with contempt “Know your limitations morons.” Thought Crusher. “You lot make troglodytes appear intelligent.”

The ladies surveyed the wreckage. Two moaning morons with broken arms, one recovering from having been hit with the tazer and one bleeding and sobbing having tried his luck with Crusher.

Pc Sharon grinned and addressed Inspector Jenny.

Well guv, I’m not sure what Chief Constable Tranker is going to say, we’ve  got four ambulance cases here and we haven’t even got to the venue for the raid. What’s more he is going to go ballistic. He’ll blame Crusher again. I can hear him now.

“Its that bloody dog again” Mimicked Sharon with a fair imitation of the Chief Constable; they both collapsed in hysterical laughter.

Crusher viewed the two of them with bemused tolerance and a degree of impatience.

“I know that humans struggle with adrenalin but come on you two, you are like a couple of giggly schoolgirls.

“Look at it this way.” Said Inspector Jenny.

“We were diverted and I have no doubt the our local cretins will be only too happy to give us a glowing report but first we need to get this lot carted away.”

The ambulance arrived along with uniformed officers allowing our two intrepid female cops and the redoubtable Crusher to return to the police station.

The raid on the drug factory had been a resounding success and at the debriefing session the assembled officers were in high spirits. Well they were until the Chief Constable arrived.

He congratulated the team on their professionalism and arresting the perpetrators without using violence. He then turned his attention to Inspector Jenny and PC Sharon glaring at the same at Crusher.

“You don’t intimidate me sunbeam, what’s more, you are about as welcome here as nappy rash.” Thought Crusher as he stared back.

“Another four in hospital”  Roared Chief Constable Tranker!

“IT’S THAT BLOODY DOG AGAIN.”

Our dynamic duo could barely contain their laughter and each covered it with a simultaneous bout of coughing.

Inspector Jenny responded with a dazzling smile

“Sorry about that sir but we have just been informed that the moron who Crusher dealt with is a notorious drug dealer with 8 outstanding arrest warrants, including assault on police officers, robbery, GBH and other violent offences. I’m sure that you would agree that removing such a despicable individual from the streets thus protecting the public is a good days work.

“Hmm.” Grunted Chief Constable Tranker and departed the room.

The Inspector and the PC exchanged glances.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Inquired PC Sharon

The Inspector gave a sardonic smile.

“I really shouldn’t say this to a junior officer but if that man’s IQ was a little higher he could almost reach the standard required for being classed as an idiot.”

Crusher silently observed the exchange and mused.

“Personally I think he is the perfect advert for birth control.”