Crusher and the robbers

This was going to be one of those out-of-hours raids, and Crusher was not impressed. As far as he was concerned, a law should be introduced making it a criminal offence for anyone to disturb his sleep.

“The criminal fraternity is an inconsiderate lot at the best of times, but why they can’t just keep regular hours is beyond me.”  Mused Crusher.

“Woe betide anyone I get hold of in tonight’s raid, things haven’t even kicked off yet, and I am seriously annoyed.”

The planning was already well underway when PC Sharon arrived with Crusher in tow. Not many dogs were generally allowed in the briefing room, but Crusher was the exception. His fearless reputation and total disregard for convention made him something of a hero amongst the rank and file.

The Inspector was Jenny, blond, strikingly attractive and a very popular officer with a dazzling smile. However, anyone thinking that she was a soft touch would swiftly learn from their mistake. Inspector Jenny didn’t suffer fools gladly, so it was with some exasperation she had to defer to a senior officer.

In her softly spoken manner, she spelled out the object of the raid.

“Armed robbers, we are hoping to catch the whole gang and to give you some idea of the importance of this raid the Chief Constable will be overseeing this operation.”

Chief Constable Tranker entered the room. Crusher glared at the immaculately dressed Chief Constable, and his heart sank. They had history. (See Medal for Crusher)

The Chief Constable surveyed the room and picked up that Crusher was present.

“What is that dog doing here?”

The Inspector gave the reply.

“That’s Crusher, Sir; he’s not only very experienced and highly effective but has become something of a mascot to the team.”

“Yes, unfortunately we’ve met, carry on Inspector.”

“Damned right, we’ve met you, pompous ass.” Thought Crusher. “I wish I could see things from your perspective, but I can’t get my head that far up your ar*e.”

“We think that there are likely to be three members of this gang there now.”  The Inspector Informed the assembled company. “The warrant has been issued by the magistrates, and the name of this exercise is Operation Plonker.” Jenny smiled. “Considering we are about to nick a bunch of idiots a very aptly named operation.”

“Ok everybody, as usual we will take the door off its hinges and we’ll go in mob handed and be ready for violence.”

************************

As PC Sharon and Crusher entered, a heavily tattooed, big, burly man threw a chair at Sharon, knocking her to the ground. He turned and attempted to run. Crusher was apoplectic with rage.

“That’s my handler, PC Sharon, you cretin. Prepare for pain.”

Crusher raced after Tattoo Man and launched himself, hitting the fellow in the back. Now, anyone who has been hit in the middle of the back by a German Shepherd Dog travelling at 30 miles per hour will know that the outcome will not be good. The fellow fell to the ground hard, and Crusher was gratified to hear the sound of bones breaking and the sight of the blood pouring from the criminal’s nose.

“You verminous slime ball, if you had a brain cell you would be dangerous, now stay there and quietly bleed, preferably profusely.”

As he surveyed the room, he saw a very large, fat man struggling to free himself from two police officers. Crusher charged forward and as he reached the scene Fat Man attempted to punch Crusher, unfortunately Crusher had already opened his mouth anticipating a bite and Fat Man’s hand was now nicely placed. Crusher bit down hard on the exposed hand. The man’s screams could probably be heard at the North Pole!

“Everyone has the right to be a stupid dickhead, but you’re abusing the privilege.” Thought Crusher.

Turning his attention to the third criminal, he saw two more policemen struggling to subdue the gang leader but were having difficulty forcing him down on the ground. All Crusher saw was an enormous backside. It was even bigger than one belonging to a shire horse. A truly tempting target.

Crusher went forward and bit down hard and still being exceedingly annoyed at the treatment to PC Sharon and was therefore not listening to any commands to let go.

“If you want to behave like a turd, stay on the ground, and before joining the grown-ups, try getting past puberty.”

Having eventually let go Crusher ran to check on PC Sharon giving her a very wet slurp on her face in the hope of making  her feel better.

“Crusher, stop; your breath is disgusting. What have you been doing.”

Crusher sighed. “No damn gratitude. I’ve captured all the criminals, and I guarantee, if you had someone’s fat ar*e in your mouth, your breath wouldn’t smell fresh and minty.”

*****************************

Following the success of the assault on the robber’s hideout, the Chief Constable demanded details of Operation Plonker.

“Well, Inspector, how many do we have in the cells?

“At this moment in time, Sir, none.”

“None! Where are they?”

“In hospital, Sir.”

“Explain.”

“Well, Sir, the one that attacked PC Sharon was brought down by Crusher. He fell awkwardly, resulting in three cracked ribs, a broken collar bone and a fractured nose.”

“A big bald chap who attempted to punch Crusher, unfortunately, ended up with his hand inside Crusher’s mouth, and they are now attempting to reconnect some of his fingers.”

“As for the gang leader, he was bitten on the left buttock by Crusher, and with PC Sharon incapacitated, nobody was able to get Crusher to let go. It appears that the man is now missing a large piece of flesh and he is being examined by the plastic surgeon as we speak.”

“He certainly won’t be sitting down for a very long time. “Inspector Jenny allowed herself a ghost of a smile.

“It’s not funny.” fumed the Chief Constable. It’s that damned dog again.”

“He’ll have to go, get rid of it, early retirement, anything but I want that psychopathic animal removed.”

“I’m not sure that would be a good idea Sir. “Replied  Inspector Jenny.”

“My mind is made up, that deranged creature will kill somebody some day.”

“I respectfully suggest a glance at the morning papers Sir.”

“I am not remotely interested in the gutter press.”

The Inspector managed a straight face as she quietly passed across a couple of the most read newspapers. The headlines were identical.

HERO POLICE DOG CRUSHER COLLARS ROBBERS