Crusher and Delilah

Crusher was very contented, he and PC Sharon were off duty, there was a blizzard blowing outside, but he was in the warm, lazing close to a log fire. PC Sharon was curled up with a book. Crusher glanced up at the cover and raised his eyes upwards. It was one of those mushy Mills and Boon types.

Crusher didn’t understand. Why do women read that sort of stuff? Later on, the tears would be running down her face, and she would be blowing her nose.

The phone rang. PC Sharon answered, it was Inspector Jenny

“Sorry Sharon I need to call you in, bit if a problem. You need to get to the station now, we need Crusher.”

“What’s going on?”

“Quite frankly, I don’t know, it’s all a bit hush-hush. It involves the Chief Constable.”

PC Sharon’s heart sank. If there was one individual that she and Crusher avoided, it was the pompous Chief Constable Tranker.

Crusher definitely was not impressed.

“Here I am off duty, chilling out, in front of the fire, and Tranker calls us in. I’m distinctly annoyed.”

“If I had a biscuit for every time that idiot said anything intelligent, I’d starve.”

They arrived at the police station 30 minutes later to be met by Inspector Jenny.

“I’m instructed to escort you to the Chief Constable’s office. She gave a sardonic smile”

“What’s it all about?”

“Remember to keep a straight face and don’t get annoyed.” Giggled the Inspector.

The Chief Constable’s office was as stark and unwelcoming as the Chief Constable himself.

“Hmm.” Tranker coughed, well, to be honest, he cleared his throat. This didn’t bode well.

The Chief Constable fixed PC Sharon and Crusher with a hard stare.

“It’s very simple, really. We need you to find….. “. His voice faltered. The man regained his composure and delivered his orders.

“We need you to find a lost dog.”

PC Sharon wasn’t sure she had heard right.

“A lost dog, sir.”

Crusher couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“I’m a trained police dog, I catch criminals you moron and I certainly don’t find lost pets.” Thought Crusher

“The animal belongs to a member of a visiting delegation from a very friendly country that is here on a trade and goodwill visit. It seems that the dog escaped, and our visitors are very upset. A major export contract is now in the balance. The dog is here legally with the correct paperwork, so it is not a danger to the public. However, His Majesty’s government needs to find that animal as soon as possible. The dog is a standard poodle, a white standard poodle, and to complicate matters, the owner informs us that the said animal is in season, so speed is a top priority.”

Crusher listened in disbelief,

“YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS. You want me to find a white poodle in a SNOW STORM. It’s bloody freezing out there. Put your wellies on and you find the missing creature if it’s that important.”

“Well, there it is, you have your orders, go and find it. Liaise with the Inspector.” Said Chief Constable Tranker.

PC Sharon and Crusher left the room and were met by Inspector Jenny.

Crusher listened to the exchange between PC Sharon and the Inspector.

“Ok, where do we start?” Asked PC Sharon

“We think the dog is close by, and there are no sightings, so I guess the hotel would be a good start. Her name, by the way, is Delilah, Delly for short.” The dog comes from a country that doesn’t experience snow often, so, according to expert behaviourists, there are unfortunately two scenarios. She is either hiding or doing Zoomies in the snow.

Crusher was not impressed.

“Who the hell calls their dog Delly. Poor creature.”

Inspector Jenny, PC Sharon and Crusher entered the hotel foyer and requested to see a member of the delegation. The senior diplomat arrived and immediately protested about the presence of Crusher. Maybe in his country it was unacceptable for a dog to be in such a place, or maybe he just didn’t like dogs. Both officers waited for him to eventually run out of steam, waited another 30 seconds so the silence became embarrassing, and Inspector Jenny addressed the diplomat.

“Sir, this is Crusher, and he is probably the only chance of finding your dog, particularly in this weather, so we need an item of bedding or something Delilah has laid on.”

Tracking was generally done with the dog wearing a harness and a long line connected the dog to the handler, but Crusher was never very happy with this sort of constriction, so he wore a GPS collar that allowed him to work free. With a range of several miles, PC Sharon was confident that Crusher would find the missing poodle, and she would be able to find him.

It didn’t take long for Crusher to find Delilah.

In a garden shed, Crusher found her curled up in the corner, sheltering from the cold. At the appearance of Crusher, she rose, and Crusher was instantly smitten.

“Wow, you are one tasty totty.”

Regular readers will know that Crusher is not known for the subtle approach.

What followed cannot be discussed in detail. The pair of them closely examined each other’s cheeky bits, X-rated doesn’t even get close, it is left to the reader’s imagination.

Afterwards, Crusher mused.

“What a female, she should carry a public health warning. I thought that I had some stamina but……”

Crusher had some difficulty walking. His legs struggled to keep him upright, and he had a smug look on his face and a slightly glazed look in his eyes.

PC Sharon eventually caught up

“Crusher, I hope you have not been doing what I think you have been doing.” Delilah is a pedigree.

“All in the line of duty, my contribution to fostering international relations.” Mused an exhausted Crusher.

Delilah was returned to her delighted owner, and PC Sharon returned to the police station with Crusher.

PC Sharon and Crusher  were summoned to the Chief Constable’s office

“A job well done, I guess it could be said that you and your dog have ensured that trade and diplomacy will flourish between us and our visitors.”

With a straight face, PC Sharon replied.

“Oh yes, sir, I know that Crusher is particularly proud of his involvement in planting the seed that will lead to the further development of trade and personal relationships between the two countries.”

Chief Constable Tranker looked puzzled.

Crusher smirked.