Barney / Rubble

It was the beginning of December, and everywhere, the approaching holiday season could not be ignored. The endless adverts promising special offers, the lights the trees, the decorations and those endless Christmas songs in the shops and supermarkets.

The phone rang.

“Is that the dog trainer?”

“Yes, it is. How may I help?”

“I would like you to attend and evaluate my puppy’s temperament, please.”

“Why do you need me to evaluate your puppy’s temperament?”

“I believe Barney is unstable and wish for an expert to confirm that I have been sold unsuitable merchandise before I instruct my solicitor to begin legal proceedings.”

“Why do you think that you have been sold unsuitable merchandise?”

I must admit I had never heard of a puppy being described as merchandise.

“He is growling at us, and a friend of mine has examined his pedigree and says it clearly shows he is inbred; he is biting, so I need this also to be confirmed by an expert.”

Expert witness

Now, if I have learned one thing in life, it is to be extremely wary when getting involved with legal matters. What appears to be a cut-and-dried case is rarely so. Also, I have never been comfortable with the term expert for two reasons. As I am fond of saying, an “ex” is a “has been” and a “spurt is a big drip!”

Furthermore, if you follow a court case, both the prosecution and defence will call an “expert witness” who has totally diverse opinions.

On several occasions in my career, I came very close to having to attend a court case as an “expert witness”, but as I would point out to clients, having years of experience and being a member of the British Institute of Professional Dog Trainers didn’t necessarily make me an expert in the eyes of the court.

I have also managed to avoid it by pointing out the potential financial cost if the verdict does not go my client’s way.  I have also seen an unsuspecting expert witness being totally destroyed by a lawyer whose job it is to do precisely that. In fairness, it’s what they are trained to do. To make matters worse, the entire episode is faithfully reported in the local paper, and if you are on the wrong side, it can be rather damaging to one’s reputation. Bearing in mind that most disputes can be easily solved without involving lawyers, who, by the way, are the only people who are generally guaranteed to make money, it is better to sit down over a brew, behave like adults and sort things out like grown-ups.

Many years ago, I heard the story of a potential litigant who approached a solicitor and was told he had an excellent case. Slightly wary, he approached another solicitor, presented the argument from his opponent’s point of view, and received the same reply!

My initial reaction was to decline the request, but with the puppy’s interest being foremost in my mind, I accepted with the explicit understanding that even if my client is paying for my services, I will state my honest opinion even if it contradicts the view of the person paying my fee.

The home visit

An appointment was made, and I arrived at the address, which turned out to be a hotel, and my client was the proprietor. The premises, both inside and outside, were festooned with Christmas decorations.

I was ushered into her own living quarters, was given a cup of tea, and I requested full details.

“Well, it’s like this, I have been considering having a puppy, so I did extensive research to find reputable Basset Hound breeders. I settled on one and purchased Barney. He displayed aggressive tendencies from day one. What was most disturbing was that he was wagging his tail simultaneously. Don’t you think that is very odd?”

I declined to comment as I had not met Barney and I was developing an idea. I was fairly certain that I had seen this before.

“Before I meet Barney, can I see his pedigree form?”

“Certainly.” Mrs Keyworth rose, retrieved the form, and presented it to me.

Now, I am not an expert, but there is sometimes a fine line between inbreeding and line breeding.

Line breeding is a well-researched and carefully implemented breeding program that entails closely related dogs being mated together with the desired aim of enhancing the most desirable traits of both dogs, particularly regarding health and temperament. The only downside is if the dogs are too closely related too often, this then becomes inbreeding.

Again, I made no comment on the pedigree but asked if she had any sort of dialogue with the breeder.

“Yes, I did, and he offered to take the puppy back, but he was unwilling to guarantee that he would refund the entire purchase price until he had seen the dog. What’s more, it is a 200-mile round trip, and he has declined to pay my travelling expenses. I think he should come and collect Barney.”

“Well, I assume his argument will be that he cannot agree to refund the entire purchase price until he is able to ascertain that  the puppy is in good condition.”

Mrs Keyworth said nothing, but her intense stare was not very comforting

Meeting Barney

I now suggested that I meet Barney and Mrs Keyworth, who rose and opened the door.

Barney rushed towards me, totally ignoring his owner, threw himself on his back and invited a belly rub, and as I reached down to oblige, he took my hand in his mouth, and unfortunately, his puppy teeth were like needles. I retrieved my hand and rubbed his proffered belly, and his tail furiously wagged.

“Do you have any toys?”

“We have taken them away; they make him worse.”

“Can I have one?”

Mrs Keyworth left and returned with a rubber squeaky toy that bore a vague resemblance to a bear.

I threw the toy, which Barney retrieved and ran around the room growling as he went. I struggled not to laugh as I watched this delightful puppy express his undisguised pleasure.

“Mrs Keyworth, I am delighted to tell you that I think your concerns, whilst understandable, are not necessary. From what I have seen, you have a delightful puppy. You might need some minor assistance as the Basset is one of the more stubborn breeds, but from what I have seen, Barney has no issues that should cause you any concern.”

“But what about the growling?”

“It’s not an aggressive growl; he is talking, he is expressing his pleasure. You can rest assured.”

“And the biting?”

“He is teething, and he is not biting; he is mouthing, it’s a sign of affection.”

Pedigree issue

“What about his pedigree?”

I explained the difference between line and inbreeding, and if she needed further reassurance, I could get someone more knowledgeable to examine the form.

As I spoke to reassure my client, my heart sank. Mrs Keyworth stared back at me, stony-faced. It was immediately apparent that my judgment was being questioned. Mrs Keyworth reached for her handbag, pulled out her chequebook, wrote the agreed fee down, passed it over, stood up and spoke.

“If this man were a reputable breeder, he would not continue to ignore me; he would contact me. I’ll sue.” She stated

“Thank you for your opinion, Mr Hodson. I’ll show you out.”

Her brusque dismissal left me in no doubt that this was one of those clients who were only going to listen if they were told what they wanted to hear. I departed with one overriding thought. What sort of life was facing Barney? Not much disturbs my sleep, but I remember lying awake staring at the ceiling and wondering about Barney. This year, there was a distinct lack of Christmas cheer in the Keyworth household. I just couldn’t believe the stupidity of this woman. I was even tempted to contact the breeder, but that would be unethical. Despite Mrs Keyworth being, in my opinion, stupid, Barney appeared to be well fed and housed and in no way badly treated.

As I contemplated whether I could do anything to influence Mrs Keyworth and improve matters for Barne,y I could not have imagined how events would unfold.

To be continued next week.