Beware, your sins will catch you out!!
This story relates to a subject that some people find difficult to discuss. It refers to menstruation and the resultant effect it can have on the canine male.
If this is a subject that is likely to cause you a problem then give this one a miss.
To avoid puzzling today’s younger audience, prior to presenting a daily show on BBC Radio Cornwall David White was the presenter of the Sunday morning show
I always knew when a prospective client had a problem that had any relation to any form of sexual activity or bodily functions. The telephone conversation would always include a number of oblique references to “excitement,” “over-familiarity,” “disturbing the ladies” and was always punctuated with numerous “ums” and “ahs.” This was further complicated with long pauses as the caller struggled to find the right words.
Without fail when men were trying to explain the difficulty it was tiresome, however, when ladies spoke about the subject they approached it in a much more positive manner. I have come to the conclusion that this is because ladies produce babies and do at times suffer appalling indignities through pregnancy and childbirth. They appear to be much less uninhibited when discussing such matters and do so without any embarrassment.
In fact, I have come to the conclusion that if men had to give birth the world’s population would collapse.
In this incident the caller was Mr van de Walt, his heavy accent was a problem but an appointment was duly arranged.
Mr van de Walt arrived with his Rhodesian Ridgeback Kruger.
He was a man in his late 40s, white South African, well dressed, but he didn’t appear to be a particularly happy fellow. In the time that he was in my office, he didn’t smile once. The good news was that Mr van de Walt lost his inhibitions when it came to discussing the problem. Unfortunately, probably through embarrassment, he resorted to using unnecessary earthy language.
Mr van de Walt had a wife and 4 teenage daughters, the ladies were all devoted to Kruger but unfortunately, his behaviour to the ladies was causing concern.
Unwanted Attention
At approximately 18 months old Kruger was reacting to their presence by mounting their legs constantly. In their absence, he was mounting cushions, furniture and just about anything that was available. If he wasn’t trying to mount one of the ladies then he was paying unwanted attention to the crotch area which was extremely embarrassing when guests arrived.
Matters had finally come to a head when he had gripped the leg of the youngest daughter so hard that his claws had punctured the skin.
It transpired that the ladies had initially tried to laugh this behaviour off but all accepted that this had to be dealt with urgently.
I had met this before and knew exactly what I was going to recommend. Now before we go any further I need to explain what was happening with Kruger.
As I explained to my client Kruger was reacting to the ladies menstrual cycle and with five ladies in the house, he was probably climbing the walls. Not all dogs react in such an extreme way but with some fit, healthy, young dogs it is not unknown for this behaviour to take place. Boiled down it’s a matter of pheromones which tells the dog that something is going on and with a sense of smell 10,000 times stronger than a human it’s hardly surprising that this occurs.
The solution was simple and having asked a number of pertinent questions and received the expected replies, I informed Mr van de Walt that the immediate way forward was to make an appointment with his veterinary surgeon and have Kruger neutered.
The response was negative, to say the least.
“ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! NO NO, NO WAY.”
The hostility was such that Mr van de Walt was almost incoherent with rage. Spittle bubbled at the corners of his mouth. His face was puce. He shook with anger. I thought he might be a candidate for a coronary.
I let him compose himself.
“Sir, I assure you that this is the correct course of action and I have no doubt that any trainer or behaviourist will tell you the same. Also, any veterinary surgeon worthy of the name will agree.”
“Well of course he will agree all he wants is the money.”
“Mr van de Walt, every veterinary practice that I know of has a policy of neutering all dogs that are not used for breeding and furthermore, poor Kruger is suffering because his hormones are in an uproar.
I think you should think of Krugers’ distress.”
“That’s what I am thinking about, how would you like to be castrated?” (Not his actual terminology!!)
“The two cannot be compared. Humans indulge in sex for procreation and pleasure For dogs it is purely a hormonal issue.
If a human is castrated he has to face a number of problems.
Will my wife still love me? I can’t undress anywhere without embarrassment even in the Doctors. I cannot have children. Will I be able to have sex or even want to? The psychological issues are immense.
For a dog who has no attachment to those bits, there is no vanity.”
“Well, I have had enough. I will not mutilate my dog. I’m leaving.”
Mr van de Walt stood up and reached for the door handle.
“With respect sir just because you disagree with what I have suggested I still require payment. ”
Mrs van de Walt
Mr van de Walt stared at me and for a moment I thought that he was about to depart without my fee being paid. My fee was paid very grudgingly and the gentleman departed. A few days later I received a telephone call inquiring about making an appointment. The caller introduced herself as a Mrs van de Walt!
The lady arrived at the designated time. She was elegant, immaculately dressed with superbly coiffured hair and a dazzling smile and by her side was Kruger.
“I heard you on the radio on Sunday, I know that my husband came to see you, however, I would appreciate it if you would explain matters to me so that I can make an informed decision.”
“Certainly; I informed your husband that Krugers’ behaviour was down to the fact that there are five ladies in the house all of the age where their monthly cycle was creating a difficulty that caused Kruger to be highly agitated, not very flattering but that’s the way that it is and in my opinion, Kruger should be castrated.”
We then spent the rest of the session discussing what effect this would have in the long term. I explained that his temperament would not be altered, like all neutered dogs there is a tendency to put weight on but this is controlled by making minor adjustments to diet. The veterinary surgeon will advise by how much.
Mrs van de Walt rose, paid my fee, gave me that dazzling smile and informed me that Kruger would be neutered before the week was out. Her veterinary surgeon was a good friend of mine and I offered to make the appointment there and then. She agreed. This I did, the call was made and an appointment was agreed. The lady then departed.
Sure enough, Kruger was neutered that week and as the vet in question and I occasionally had a drink together and as I had been instrumental in bringing the whole process to a satisfactory conclusion he was able to inform me of certain facts of which I had been unaware.
“The van de Walts are in fact fairly close neighbours of mine. She is a classy lady, always looks a million dollars and the kids are delightful. He is ok but I gather he likes the think he is “master in his own home,” “a real man.” The truth is Mrs van de Walt just lets him think he is but when push comes to shove, believe me, she is the governor.”
Unfortunately for him what he didn’t know is that whilst he is playing his round of golf on Sunday morning the family are listening to the David White show on BBC Radio Cornwall and they are particularly fond of your section about dogs. So when he came back from seeing you it appears that he had not been 100% truthful. The idiot told his family that you had informed him that Kruger should NOT be neutered but unfortunately for him, they had heard you say only recently that all dogs not used for breeding SHOULD be neutered!!
I guess you could say right now he is in the dog house!
“The more boys I meet the more I love my dog.”
Carrie Underwood