Orbison

I had met the Madisons ten years earlier when they brought their ill-disciplined border collie, Orbison, for training. John and Marion Madison were fanatical Roy Orbison fans, hence their dog’s name, although he was commonly called Orbie. They were going to call him Roy but thought the name was too short. They were jealous and fascinated that I had seen the great man singing live and asked endless questions about the event.

The truth was that Orbison (the dog) needed little training because he wasn’t really naughty; he was just bored. In those days, a collie was a very popular choice, particularly as the children’s TV programme Blue Peter had a collie called Shep. People were unaware that the border collie is probably the most intelligent canine in the world. Being kept in a pet home without the ability to work or receive stimulus that exercises their brain, they often become destructive and generally behave badly. The positive side to this was that, after discovering the reason for the unacceptable behaviour, the owners quickly discovered that the collie responds so quickly that it is easy to train. The most common mistake is thinking that lots of exercise would wear the collie out. Impossible! The more exercise it receives, the more it wants. So Orbison received three 20-minute walks a day plus other stimuli; he rapidly learned basic obedience and a miniature obstacle course was constructed in the back garden, including jumps, weaving poles and a see-saw. Various activity toys were purchased, and Orbison learned to retrieve and find hidden objects by scent. He had settled down to life as a family pet and, like so many before him, assisted the parents when the children arrived.

Finding a new puppy

Sadly, at the age of 14, Orbison had paid his final visit to the vet, and the Madisons felt the time had come to acquire another dog.

“We would like to employ you to assist in the purchase of a puppy.”

“We have seen an advert in the local paper. I’ll read it to you.”

“Eight lovely collie-type puppies for sale and one ugly puppy going cheap.”

“We have reserved the ugly one.”

Yes, I thought you and eight others. Now, it wasn’t a ploy used that often, but I had come across this sales technique before. Advertise a litter of puppies or kittens with the comment that one of them was “different” and would be less expensive. Needless to say, the “different” one was sold repeatedly. It was done quite cleverly. The prospective buyers only ever got to see one puppy, as the seller would claim that the “different” one was the last one left. The other plot was to deny access to the mother and other pups on the grounds of preventing any infection from coming into the house, so only one puppy was offered. Wise to this tactic, I expected a confrontational meeting when we arrived. I would always want to see the mother to assess her temperament and the sire if he was available. As for the infection argument, healthy pups feeding off their mother will have a degree of natural immunity anyway.

I arrived at the designated address and waited for my clients, but I didn’t have long to wait. As their distinctive bright yellow Volkswagen came into view, the voice of Roy Orbison could be heard hitting the final note of one of his greatest hits, “Running Scared.” We greeted each other and headed up the drive. We knocked on the door and waited.

An unusual greeting

The door was opened by a rather large gentleman dressed in a pair of jogging bottoms and a vest, both of which would have benefited greatly from coming into close contact with copious quantities of detergent. A shower wouldn’t have done him any harm, either.  Along with his enormous beer belly and the three-day growth on his chin, he had a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. From the end of the cigarette, a long tube of ash was just waiting to drop off. Get the picture?

Not an auspicious start, particularly as I was expecting a confrontation when the time came to inspect the puppies.

John Madison introduced himself and his wife and then announced that I was Mr Hodson, an expert on dogs who would act as an adviser.

I must admit I was never very comfortable with the title expert.

An “ex” is a has-been and “spurt” is a big drip and in a practical sense think on this. In a court case both the prosecution and the defence will both call “expert” witnesses who totally disagree!!

Our host who introduced himself as one Harry Shapiro who stared intently at me. This was not a benign look, the hostility was plain and John then started to ask me a question.

“Ray, I was just thinking that this……. “

“Hang on, are you “THE” Ray Hodson? Exclaimed Mr Shapiro.

I shrugged.

“You know, the bloke on Radio Cornwall.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Wow I am a huge fan, I listen to you on the David White show on Sunday morning’s.

A change in atmosphere

Within a short time of arriving in Cornwall I discovered that so many of the population of the county were huge followers of the local BBC radio station and the David White show was one of the most listened to programmes on local radio in the entire country. I had even discovered that there were people who were avid listeners to my contribution and they didn’t even have a dog!

The atmosphere instantly changed from a hostile environment to a welcoming one.

Having exchanged pleasantries, I suggested we look at the puppies, and after meeting Mr Shapiro, I was dreading what I was going to find. Imagine my shock when I found an expertly constructed whelping box, mum and puppies in excellent condition and the whole environment immaculately clean, a total contrast to Mr Shapiro. His cat was also in perfect condition, and the bird table in the garden was a joy to observe

When questioned about the ugly puppy advert, Mr Shapiro looked a trifle shamefaced. He said that he had heard of a clergyman who had advertised a litter of seven kittens going free, with one ugly kitten being given away seven times. He reckoned that if a man of the cloth could use the idea without being condemned to eternal damnation, surely it was okay for him.

A puppy was easily selected, and the Madison’s departed, leaving me to chat with Harry Shapiro, who showed an intense desire to talk, probably because his circle of friends was rather small, and he ended up revealing more than I expected.

The man was an enigma. His name had started his problems, at school he was called Helen after the singer Helen Shapiro, he discovered he was homosexual in his teens and then his father disowned him. There had been many trials and tribulations for Harry over the years, but he never lost his love of animals, which started when he was a child. I discovered he was, in fact, very knowledgeable regarding the care of many different species, including hedgehogs and injured birds. Whilst he took no pride in his own appearance and hygiene, he would go to any lengths to give any animal any care that it needed.

I would never meet Harry Shapiro again, and looking back, I remember an obese, unwashed, aggressive individual, but at the same time, a more compassionate and knowledgeable human where animals were concerned would be hard to find.