Tinned Pink Salmon
Certain details have been changed to protect anonymity.
In the books by James Herriot Mrs Pumphrey is a character who owns the extremely pampered pet Pekinese called Triki Woo.
The majority of requests were fairly similar. How do I get my dog to come back to me when I call, and how do I stop my dog from pulling on the lead? Mrs Doubleday, however, had a rather unusual request, although not unique as I had been asked to do this before, but with dogs who were better suited to retrieving.
“My husband works away on oil rigs, and it has always been a standing joke that one day, one of our dogs will fetch his slippers when he comes home and sits in his favourite armchair.”
“Can you train Carrot to do this for when my husband comes home in six weeks time?”
I took one look at Carrot, and my heart sank. If there was one dog totally unsuited to this task, it was Carrot. You see, Carrot was a pug! A very lazy pug. She appeared to be struggling to even stay awake. In fact, an apt description would be that she was almost comatose.
I kept my immediate thoughts to myself, and I reckoned it would be inappropriate to echo the famous quote from a legendary tennis player of yesteryear.
“You cannot be serious!!”
A hopeless task
Six weeks! At first glance, I thought that six months would be more realistic, and even that was ambitious. However, I was encouraged to hear that Carrot occasionally would chase a ball and had even been known to carry it a very short distance. Very short! We started with the obvious, rolling a ball a very short distance and waiting to see what would happen. Carrot gave me a disinterested glare that said it all.
“You threw it. You go and get it.”
The hopelessness of the task was now dawning on me as I desperately looked for a way to start the process. Does she have a favourite toy I asked in desperation. Mrs Doubleday looked embarrassed and hesitated before answering
“Well, it’s like this: when Cyril, my husband, is away, I let Carrot sleep on the bed, and she is fascinated by Humpty, but my husband doesn’t approve of Carrot being on the bed, so when he is home Carrot has to sleep in her own bed.”
I took a deep breath. A pug called Carrot and now a toy called Humpty. I was obviously obliged to ask, not that I needed to. The answer was obvious.
“What is Humpty?”
Mrs Doubleday left the room and returned with Humpty, who turned out to be a small egg-shaped fluffy toy.
“Does Carrot show any sign of hostility towards Humpty?” I asked
“Oh no, she just wants to carry him around and put him in her bed or lay with him on my bed when Cyril is away.”
“So she won’t damage Humpty?”
“Almost certainly not.”
“Is Humpty washable?”
“To be honest, I’m not sure.”
“Well, this is what I’m thinking. If we can get Carrot to retrieve Humpty, then maybe we can substitute Humpty with slippers.”
“Got to be honest here. The very best we can expect is one slipper at a time.” I added.
I picked up Humpty and gently tossed him about one metre in front of Carrot, and it was decidedly heartening to see Carrot rush forward and grab Humpty and carry him for a couple of metres.
Unfortunately, Carrot then laid down, collapsed on top of Humpty and promptly proceeded to fall asleep with the accompaniment of a sonorific snore!! I asked what was Carrot’s favourite treat only to be told it was tinned pink salmon! Shades of Mrs. Pumphrey and Triki Woo, except, of course, Mrs. Pumphrey would probably use fresh salmon!!
A work in progress
I left instructions as to how to proceed. The next two weeks were hard work, but the bulk of the strain was taken by Mrs Doubleday, who followed my instructions to the letter. Every day, Carrot was encouraged to pick up the toy and carry it for a metre or two. The reward was a tiny piece of pink salmon. Each session was not to exceed 3 or 4 retrieves at any one time so as not to bore Carrot. The sessions proved rather more successful than I anticipated, so the time had come to substitute a slipper for Humpty. The only problem was that when Carrot retrieved Humpty, if she didn’t receive salmon, she declined to play.
Sadly, Humpty was showing signs of wear and tear, and the sooner we got on to the slippers, the better.
For another two weeks, Carrot was encouraged to retrieve a slipper, with the reward continuing to be salmon. I have no idea of the effect of tinned salmon on the digestive system of a Pug, but I did suggest that Mrs Doubleday check with her veterinary surgeon about the suitability of tinned pink salmon as a treat.
Training was going well, better than I could have expected, but the finished product was totally unreliable. Some days, Carrot showed little or no interest and refused to retrieve a slipper, but on other days his retrieval skills were worthy of a place at Crufts. With the deadline approaching, I suggested that maybe Mrs Doubleday should postpone her “present” to her husband so we could devote more time to perfecting Carrot’s skills, but she was adamant. Her husband’s homecoming coincided with their wedding anniversary. The time was right. There was to be no delay.
I departed, leaving more in hope than anything and waited for the phone call that would inform me of the result.
Success. Or not…
Sure enough, the call came. This was how the event was related to me….
As Mr Doubleday took his seat Mrs Doubleday sent Carrot to fetch a slipper, which she did and promptly presented it to her master. Unfortunately, the failure to produce the reward of tinned pink salmon obviously caused Carrot to become rebellious. Sadly, things went downhill from there on. Carrot went to collect the second slipper and decided to carry it into the garden. As Mr Doubleday collapsed in hysterical laughter, his wife ran after Carrot and a game of chase began, which culminated in Mrs Doubleday tripping over and falling into the compost heap, which unfortunately had just been refreshed with tea leaves, potato peelings and other miscellaneous vegetable waste!!
Postscript
Mr Doubleday was mightily impressed by his wife’s attempt to train Carrot and thought the whole event hilarious. Mrs Doubleday was not so impressed to end up on the compost heap and needed a visit to the beauty parlour to repair the damage.
If nothing else, it was a very memorable anniversary!!
“There is never a bad day when you come home to a dog.”
Anon