The toff, the bottle, the tin and a rough and tumble!

Details have been changed to protect anonymity.

It wasn’t the best of starts, Mr Jefferies entered my office, removed his kid leather driving gloves with a flourish and informed me, “I have already consulted the best brains in the country but I have been told that you are quite good so I have decided to try you out.”

My immediate thought was that if you have already “consulted the best brains” what were you doing here?

Dressed as he was in a very expensive tweed suit, waistcoat, crisp white shirt and a silk tie the gentleman certainly gave the appearance of being a member of the landed gentry albeit without the good manners. He had a very condescending attitude and a rather haughty manner. I always took the view that the client could be as condescending or as unpleasant as they like as any irritation they caused me would be reflected in the cost of my services!

At his feet was a young Springer Spaniel and one glance at the dog was enough to tell me that this was a Spaniel that was from working stock with a brain. He lay on the floor seemingly under control but was quivering with excitement like a coiled spring, just waiting to erupt into action. Having established the dog’s basic details my assessment was proved correct, this animal was indeed bred at a very well know kennel that specialised in breeding top working dogs the sort that would have been in demand by gamekeepers.

This leads me to one of my greatest annoyances. Why do people buy highly intelligent working dogs and keep them in pet homes. The dog is usually bored stiff and problems lie ahead. I know from experience that the ideal family pet is not over intelligent, it doesn’t need to be, most of them spend their days sleeping, going for an occasional walk and the highlight of their day is being fed!

I asked what the problem was and was informed that Monty was not very well behaved in the car, he whined a lot and was rather reluctant to come back when called.

Mr Jefferies handed me 2 sheets of A4 paper. I recognised the name at the top of the paper as a well-known behaviourist. Behaviourism was then in its infancy and it was common for the client to receive a written assessment after the consultation which detailed the behaviourists considered opinion and the course of action to rectify the problem. I read the report and noted that it was detailed, concise, and extremely well presented, unfortunately, it was rather short on advice on how to correct the problems. The report contained phrases like “unusual problem,” “difficult issue,” “excitable dog.” In those days I was an old fashioned dog trainer and was only just coming to terms with behaviourism.

I glanced at my client and saw him scanning my office, it was obvious that my converted summer house was a far cry from the plush office of the renowned behaviourist and it was obvious that he was not impressed.

A question and answer session gave me all the information that I needed. Monty had received excellent training in the breeding kennels where he had been bred, was obedient and generally well behaved but there was a problem. Everything was reward-based ie, a treat for every time that Monty responded correctly to a command. This in itself was admirable, however, it led to the obvious difficulty. Because Monty hadn’t received his training from his owner, whilst he behaved well for food he had little respect for Mr Jeffries, therefore if an issue couldn’t be sorted with bribery then Monty sometimes chose to ignore instructions. It should be pointed out that there is nothing wrong with “in kennel training” and I am a huge fan of reward-based training but in this case, there was no empathy from owner to dog. It was like Monty was expected to be a clockwork dog, he was there to promote Mr Jeffries image. The man was stiff and pompous in his manner. There was nothing natural about their relationship. You just couldn’t imagine this fellow getting down on his hands and knees and have a rough and tumble with his dog The whining in the car had been exacerbated by Mr Jefferies who unfortunately had been giving titbits to Monty when he wasn’t whining but this only caused Monty to whine even more thinking that if he moaned long enough and then stopped more treats would follow.

The reluctance to come when called was another manifestation of the poor relationship between owner and dog. Monty was well trained, he knew what was required. Selective deafness showed that there was a lack of respect and as we all know respect is earned, none of us has a right to respect.

I was fortunate in that in those days I had very little competition and I was rarely short of work so I didn’t need to worry if I upset a client by telling them something that they didn’t want to hear. This didn’t happen often, a gentle nudge in the right direction was generally enough but clients like Mr Jeffries were immune to hints and gentle persuasion.

“Right let’s get started, this is what I want to do, we will go out in your car and we will deal with the whining in the car.”

Questioning had established that Monty sat on the back seat of his owner’s car, a very smart Jaguar. The rear seat was covered in a lightweight tarpaulin type of material and appeared to be waterproof, very handy for what I had in mind. I am not very conversant with models of motor vehicles but this one looked very similar to the car that was driven by Detective Chief Inspector Morse the character played by John Thaw in the tv series Inspector Morse. I explained that I intended to use water to correct the problem and asked if he had any objections. This elicited a steely glare and a very brief nod. Having armed my self with a Fairy Liquid bottle obviously thoroughly cleaned out and filled with cold water we set out. I had instructed Mr Jeffries that when Monty whined he was to issue a clear command to either “no” or “leave”, whatever he was in the habit of using, he must do it in a firm but calm and quiet voice, he must not shout. What happened next was one of those Eureka moments. When Monty whined Mr Jeffries issued his instruction I turned and gave Monty a blast of cold water in his face, and he then settled down on the seat, gave me a stunned look and never whined again!

I then send Mr Jeffries on his way with the bottle just in case he needed it so that a passenger could use it and informed him that I would see him or the same time the following week when I would address the recall issue.

As expected Me Jeffries arrived the following week and before we started on the coming back when called I asked the obvious question.

“How are you getting on in the car?”

The reply was short and I thought rather begrudging.

“Ok”

“Have you had to use the bottle? ”

“No”

“Has he stopped whining? ”

“Yes”

“I kept my self-control. I had solved half the miserable man’s problems in one go and all he could say was a reluctant ok! ”

“Right then let’s deal with the other problem. How good is your aim? ”

“My aim? ”

“Yes, you know like when you played cricket as a kid can you hit what you aim at? ”

“Well actually I was the captain of the school cricket team, it was a long time ago but I believe that I am still reasonable.”

I was almost tempted to ask if he went to Eton or some such posh school but I resisted the temptation.

“Put Monty back in the car please and follow me.” I led Mr Jeffries to my training ground which was in fact a small enclosed paddock.

In readiness for this stage I had prepared an aluminium drinks tin, half-filled it with small stone chippings and taped up the hole at the top. When thrown or shaken it made a very loud rattle The can originally contained Heineken lager and the advertising slogan from the 1970s wasn’t lost on me. For younger readers, this became one of the successful advertising slogans of all time.  “Heineken Refreshes The Parts That Other Beers Cannot Reach” but I am sure that it was never meant to include the training of a slightly disobedient canine!!

I pointed to a post in the ground and from a distance of 10 metres, I asked him to throw the tin at the base of the post. Mr Jefferies was as good as his word, he tried it 6 times and hit the ground each time within a foot of the base of the post. Satisfied that he would be able to do what I would be asking him to do I asked him to go and get Monty, bring him into the paddock and release him. As expected Monty soon found a really interesting smell and soon was engrossed in tracking whatever had caught his attention. At this point, I asked Mr Jeffries to call Monty. This he did, Monty raised his head and decided that the scent was infinitely preferable to his master and carried on sniffing. Well, I also played cricket for my school and as Monty ignored his master’s instructions my well-aimed can landed no more than a foot behind Monty. Looking thoroughly chastened Monty returned with speed, received praise for coming and sat quivering with excitement. Instructing Mr Jeffries that if Monty did not return on command he was to rattle the can and throw it necessary but must not hit Monty, he was to return in two weeks time where we would assess progress.

As Mr Jefferies was about to go to his car I decided that something had to be said about his relationship with his dog.

“Sir, there is no charge for this advice as you didn’t ask for it and I am offering.

Monty will be much better behaved generally and you will benefit greatly if you could see your way to just unwinding a bit with him. Go down on your hands and knees, rough and tumble, get Monty some activity toys. Let your hair down!”

The last comment was a little unfortunate as Mr Jefferies was somewhat follically challenged!

The gentleman grunted and gave me a long withering stare.

Yes, I accept that I had overstepped the mark but it was sad to see such a stuffy man with such a happy clever dog.

Two weeks later he returned and informed me that Monty was behaving perfectly, we went for a drive and also tested Monty in the paddock, indeed all appeared to be well. Also maybe it was my imagination but Mr Jefferies appeared to be…. well I am not sure but just a bit less stuffy, even, dare I say it a bit chilled!

I presented Mr Jefferies with my bill and taking into account his attitude I naturally added the cost of a bottle of Glenfiddich single malt whisky to compensate me for any aggravation that I had endured. The cheque written, Mr Jefferies stood up, extended his hand and unexpectedly said,

“I apologise, I told you when I arrived that I had already seen the best brains in the country. I was wrong.”

He nodded, gave me a thin smile and departed.

I guess that was quite a complement.

Did I feel guilty about the bottle of Glenfiddich? Did I heck!