It’s time to let go

Today is the day where we discuss how to deal with the demise of our beloved pet. I guess that if you are a regular reader you will probably have dogs but it really doesn’t matter, the issue is still the same regardless of which type of pet we choose.

If this subject is too painful at the moment then maybe give this a miss today but I really do hope you will read on as this is a subject that affects all of us and by understanding our pets thought process we will have a greater perception of how to cope with their issues and be better able to handle our own distress. Also it must be understood that the grieving process will be different for all of us. Having spent a lifetime with animals I have experienced this event personally many times. More importantly years working with veterinary surgeons means I have witnessed this scenario on hundreds of occasions and seen what makes this bearable for us but much more important what is best for our pet. There is no significance in the order of the following, some will resonate more than others.

This should be broken down into sections

1. The acceptance that we will probably outlive our pet is the first step. This is something that we need to accept from day one. Ok we don’t need to have it occupy our thoughts daily but if we come to terms with the inevitable it is easier to cope with the reality. Basically we have a far longer lifespan than our pets and animals in general. In our lifetime we will have many pets so will experience this dreadful moment several times. I am aware that death is a taboo subject in many households but it shouldn’t be. We need to discuss this particularly with the children and later we will go into detail how to maybe make it easier for them.
2. If your pet suffers from ill health at a young age for whatever reason you will be aware that demise may come quicker than the expected lifespan, so you may have more time to adjust to the inevitable but it will still require you to assist your pet to pass on without any more unnecessary distressing delays.
3. We have to be able to let go and avoid that selfishness that pervades our lives. It is a fact of life that having had a pet for many years we find it incredibly difficult to accept that the time has come and this leads to delays in the decision making process. As our pets health deteriorates leading to discomfort and pain we owe it to them to make that decision before their condition deteriorates to the level where their quality of life is so poor as to be non existent. We have to ask ourselves that very important question that we avoid. Would we want to live in a state of constant pain, unable to move freely, unable to clean ourselves, where the quality of life has virtually disappeared.
4. One of the issues that is misunderstood or unfortunately forgotten is that we think if it’s only a day that we delay, it’s no big deal. It may only be a day for humans but in dog years for example it translates to several days. And keeping a dog in misery for a week this translates into many weeks in their timeline.
5. For children this may be their first contact with death. Obviously it will depend on the child’s age. Telling them that their beloved pet has run away or has been lost, is in my opinion a terrible mistake as it will not only damage the child. If the child discovers the truth you will be viewed as untrustworthy as the child will struggle to believe anything you say. Children may blame themselves, their parents and even the veterinary surgeon for failing to save the pet but depending on their age children usually cope very well by expressing themselves by drawing, writing and discussing happier times. There are those parents who invoke the poem of “Rainbow Bridge” and If you think that is a suitable route then you will be in good company.
6. We need to bear in mind that pets mourn as well. It may be that other pets become lethargic and don’t show the same enthusiasm for walking and playtimes. The may want to spend time laying close to their friends bed or favourite place, they may show signs of distress and come for reassurance, waiting for kind words
7. There are some who believe in a “natural” death as one experienced by wild animals and in their opinion we should not interfere. To those I point out that your pet is not a feral animal. You chose to take it into your home, domesticate it, care for it, vaccinate it, train it and feed it. In return your pet has the right to expect you to accept your responsibilities. They have given you commitment, loyalty, love and in return they should be able to rely on you to what they are unable to do for themselves. There is nothing “natural” about dying in pain.
8. So how do we decided on the right time. Well signs are usually there and here are some the following.
   • Terminal illness. If this is the diagnosis then there is almost certainly only one outcome, and with pain and distress inevitable then an early decision is critical. It’s time
   • Uncontrollable pain, would you want to spend your days in pain? If course you wouldn’t. It’s time
   • Loss of enthusiasm for the everyday activities that were a part of regular life. When life is relegated to existing, when life has no meaning for your pet. It’s time.
   • Out of character aggression particularly in old age usually indicative of extreme pain. It’s time
   • Refusing food, again indicative of extreme distress. It’s time
   • Unable to walk, if a set of wheels is appropriate then it’s ok. If not, It’s time
9. For some people taking their dog for a final walk in their favourite place or giving their pet a meal of their favourite food or some treats will for some to help
10. Now we arrive at the worst bit. When the time finally comes, in order to create the most stress free moment for your pet you should stay with them at the end or at least until the veterinary surgeon has administered a heavy sedative. If possible try to keep your emotions in check, weeping and wailing will only distress your pet. The animals that pass peacefully are the ones where their owners keep their emotions in check until the moment has gone. Tears are inevitable and regardless of gender it’s perfectly ok. Veterinary clinics accept it. I have unashamedly shed buckets over the years, not only over my own but for those whose owners left it way too long.