Through the eyes of a dog
Hello humans, my name is Chloe and I am a retired Cretan hunting dog. Now before we start we need to get a couple of things crystal clear. You, humans, think that you are the superior species. Well if that is the case think on this. Can you achieve speeds of up to 40 mph when running?
Can you differentiate between two identical cars half a mile away, can you see backwards like me who has eyes on the side of her head, do you have a nose so sensitive that you can find explosives, drugs and even money and if you are male can you tell if there is a willing female in close proximity?!!! As a human year is equivalent to seven canine years can you old fellas hurdle a five bar gate to reach the available female at the age of seventy? You female humans, could you give birth to twelve babies in one go and raise them? I suspect that the answers to all these questions are no!
In fact, not to put too fine a point on things you’re not doing at all well generally!! Your world is racked with corruption, crime, war, disease and starvation and if I may say so you do elect some very odd people to run your world.
So maybe you are not so superior after all and before you refer to me as a crossbreed or a mongrel think on this; are you so special? What is your lineage? How do you know that you are not descended from sheep thieves who were transported to Australia? I have a microchip!! Do you? Now having established my credentials and you are sitting comfortably then I will begin.
My early life was not that good. Like so many of us dogs, luxuries were few and far between. I lived outside on a chain, my shelter was an old rusty metal barrel, my bedding if I was lucky, was an old torn, dirty olive sack and a major part of my diet was bones. The long term effect is that my teeth have been ground down to stumps. They don’t hurt but it takes a long time to eat my dinner.
Some strange lumps appeared on my tummy and whilst they did not hurt they were rather unsightly and as I am sure you understand, a lady always wants to appear looking at her best in public. Occasionally my human would put me in the back of something that made a strange noise and travelled at great speed. I now know that this is called a pickup truck. My human sat in the front and I was chained in the back which was open. It was hot in the summer and very wet and cold in the winter but at least it relieved the boredom of my existence.
As the years went by something strange occurred, I slowly started to lose my hearing, oh I could hear enough when I was close to my human but when I was a few metres away, no matter how hard I tried, I just could not hear properly. As you can appreciate there is not a lot of call for a partially deaf hunting dog.
Unfortunately, I was unable to communicate this to my so-called “superior” human and he became increasingly cross that I appeared to be disobedient and eventually his patience ran out and one day he put me on the back of his truck, drove many kilometres and abandoned me close to a tiny village.
A large pack of feral dogs appeared and things didn’t look good; as you humans say, not a good day at the office!!
Well, to be honest, I am not the bravest soldier so I ran!! I found an abandoned dog kennel and hid. Eventually, a female human appeared, she shooed the pack away and indicated that she wanted me to get in her vehicle. I was hesitant. She had a very different sort of vehicle which I now know is called a car, which was totally enclosed and she spoke a very strange language, she certainly was not Greek, however, she had some very tasty food, I was hungry and I was persuaded to jump in. I was taken to a nearby village and given a box on the ladies terrace to sleep in and lots of food. After a week a male human appeared and it transpired that he had been away helping at a cat charity. I ask you: cats!! Well, there’s no accounting for taste!!
hese were very strange humans. I had never been inside a human house before but I was taken in and was surprised to find there another dog. He was a short, scruffy, ugly individual who didn’t even bother to get up to meet me. I was not impressed!!
Well to cut a very long story short, I was adopted. I learned the language of my new humans and now live indoors in a human house. My new humans have strange names. One of them Is called Darling and the other one called Sweetie. The short scruffy ugly dog was called Taz and despite his unprepossessing appearance, we became good mates until sadly he passed away.
I am sure it will come as no surprise to you that I am fastidious in my personal habits so being indoors causes no problems. My humans provide a regular supply of quite scrumptious food and in return, I provide companionship and ensure my humans get daily exercise. Certainly, the changes in my life have been enormous and have included some strange adventures. Shortly after I was adopted I we went for a ride in the car and visited a very nice lady called Antonia who I discovered is what humans call a veterinary surgeon. This is an animal doctor and this one wore a blue suit and a strange hat, she had a nice kind voice and after she stroked me I fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up the horrible unsightly lumps had disappeared and a row of stitches had appeared on the middle of my tummy. This I discovered was to stop me having any more puppies. This really was wonderful. Yes, I prided myself on being a really excellent mum but you can have too much of a good thing and after approximately one litter a year for as long as I can remember this was manna from heaven. The only down side was a conversation I overheard between my human and Antonia. I was just able to hear as I was on a table and only a few centimetres away. When asked how old I was Antonia said that I was so old it was almost impossible to state with any accuracy!! Am I really that old?
I must say I don’t feel old, admittedly I am slowing down a little bit but recently a young whippersnapper of a terrier was being over-familiar with my personal parts and having indicated to him that his amorous intentions were unwelcome I left him standing!!
I now go for long walks off the lead in the olive grove and have regular trips into Sitia so that my humans can sit in a taverna and drink coffee. Personally I am not sure what the attraction is, I once stole a sip when they were not looking. Certainly not my “cup of tea”. Sadly, despite being adopted and having a wonderful life my hearing has got steadily worse, so much so that now I am almost completely deaf.
Another strange event was the introduction of Molly. It appears that my new humans are heavily into collecting stray animals and one day a tiny kitten appeared on the road outside our house. Needless to say, they brought it inside the house and thought it would be a good idea to offer it to me to assist in rearing it; to be honest this was a right liberty, at my time of life, expected to raise a kitten! What a cheek!! Even so, I did my best to please and played mummy until a very nice human called Peter came and took her away and arranged for Molly to go to another country where she was adopted. A bit like me I suppose!
Another intrusion into my life was the arrival of four puppies; they were only approximately five days old when they arrived. Endless bottle feeds round the clock and I can tell you this, it played havoc with my sleep patterns. In fact whilst I am on the subject, humans have very strange habits, when I am awake in the evening they turn out all the lights and go to bed and in the morning when I am fast asleep they wake me up to go for a walk!!
Sorry I digress. Back to those pesky puppies. I must say I was rather disappointed with my humans as they allowed the little monsters to come indoors and meet me one at a time. They jumped up at me, climbed In my bed, grabbed my tail In fact one of the little beggars even tried to feed off me!! No discipline!! That’s the problem. No respect for age. Typical of the youth of today, I can tell you I had to deal very firmly with them. To add insult to injury I then discovered that my humans wanted me to help teach the little monsters to walk on the lead, what next, teaching them to come back when called? Well, that’s a non-starter, I’m deaf!!
In between Molly and the puppies, there was the case of Jasper who my human found when topping up one of his cat feeding stations. What appeared to be just another starving stray was not only starving but had suffered a dreadful facial injury. Needless to say, Jasper was brought home, taken to the animal doctor who unfortunately had to remove the injured eye, he had to recuperate, so we both went on many long walks in the local olive grove until he was a lot better. He became a really good friend but I had to say goodby because eventually he was found a new home and now lives in Paris. As you can see my life is quite hectic, never a dull moment.
My only long term problem is with Sweetie my female human, she will insist on tidying my bed. Just as I have created a pile of bedclothes for maximum comfort she comes along and flattens everything. l can still remember her telling me my bed was a disgrace and an embarrassment. Can anybody explain to me what is a “pig’s breakfast” and how did it get into my bed!!!
Well, that’s all for now.
“Until the next time”
Chloe